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March 8th was International Women’s Day. This year’s celebration seems different to me because I am going through the experience of having a female tween at home, a pre-adolescent who is growing up and developing as every other girl of her age. Aside from her challenges as a person living with Down syndrome, she doesn’t seem to show any major differences from her peers when it comes to behavior and physiological changes. She is discovering the world, she is asking questions, and her body is evolving day by day into that of a woman.
Sometimes I find myself lost in the many questions any other parent may have at this exact same moment in life. Is she going to find love? Is someone going to hurt her feelings? How do I deal with her period? How do I face the topic of sexuality? How do I get prepared for the inevitable tears of broken hearts and disappointments of life?
I have no answers, honestly, and my way of dealing with this natural anxiety is to believe that answers come with time through real-life experiences. I trust we will be able to figure out all these things together. I believe in all the complexity of these events and based on my own experiences, I know I am qualified to help her grow and find her own answers.
To me, she is the most beautiful 11-year-old girl. Her long hair, her rounded shoulders and that amazing attitude that tells the world she is strong, she is brave, she is worthy. I have it clear and I understand as well how difficult it is sometimes for this world to see her real-self without focusing on her Down syndrome features. Even as we try hard to disconnect from the prejudice and the low expectations of society, sometimes I can avoid it but I sometimes resent the idea that she has to work so hard to demonstrate her value and her right to be a woman.
That sometimes silent but often outspoken prejudice out there condemns women like my daughter to early sterilization based on the assumption that they will never be able to make conscious decisions about their bodies and their sexuality. Many claim this is the logical and smart thing to do to prevent unwanted pregnancies but is this really a prevention tool or the easiest way to take away someone’s dignity? Forced sterilization is, in effect, stating who a person is (or is not) going to be based on their disability, after all, isn’t it?
I do very much care about these discussions and I could spend my whole life trying to explain to others why this is so important. To embrace the growth of our children with disabilities in the most natural possible way with the highest possible expectations is, in my eyes, the only way to live. But, in the end, the reality is that no matter what happens out there in the “real world”, my goal is very personal and my love for my children, in this case, specifically talking about my daughter, comes along with giving her the freedom to make her own choices, the chance to live her life to its fullest, and the promise to be there for her as needed: to support her and to intervene only when she needs me.
I imagine my life seems complicated if you peek in on it as an outsider, but honestly, I don’t think we are going through anything different from others as mother and daughter. I think every woman goes through the similar stages and to celebrate ourselves every day we must celebrate our human right to grow up with dignity, to develop to the maximum extent of our abilities, and to get support as needed. Being a woman is a matter of sisterhood, motherhood, and strong connection. Being a woman is not an easy thing but part of the celebration is to acknowledge that and to feel blessed to be a part of this tribe into which I’m honored to welcome my daughter.
