Lea en español en este enlace,
Forty has arrived for me and when I look at my reflection in the mirror I can’t avoid hearing the lyrics of a Spanish song I grew up with. It would literally translate to, “The Four-Decade Lady”. I was less than 20 when I heard it for the first time and, as it happens when you are so young, at that moment your 40’s felt so far away to the point you believe you will never age and you will never become that four decades’ lady, described in the song as a woman with fiery steps who has mastered the art of loving her own self.
My entire life I dreamed of meeting my other half, the soul mate everyone talks about. I wanted someone to love me with passion, with adoration, and idolatry. I always love the idea of listening to someone say, “I love you, Lady.” Years ago I would have given up everything needed to win that love but not anymore. Today as I’m turning 40 years old I am happy to inform you that I am the woman in the song. My biggest pride is to look myself in the eye and to be able to say, “I love you, Lady.”
I love you, Lady, in your strengths and weaknesses, in your confusing days and in your bright moments. I love you just the way you are: stubborn, obsessive, passionate, and in contrast sometimes, totally cold and calculating. The goal of being loved this much by someone else faded away over the years, and not because I don’t want to be loved or need to be loved, but because I have learned that no one will ever love me in the way I want if I don’t love myself this much. I have to truly and completely adore myself in order to give and expect the same love from others towards me.
The most significant gift to myself at the age of 40 is this self-love that empowers and strengthens me to believe that every positive and negative experience gave me something unique. I have plenty of reasons to be proud of myself, but nothing would be worth without the effort and the stumbles along the way. This incredible and powerful love enables me to feel true passion and commitment toward the ones I love. This is an honest love, a love that doesn’t judge, a love that doesn’t grieve, and that would never allow anyone to hurt me.
I don’t know if there is another way to achieve and embrace this kind of love, but in my case, this brave love didn’t happen in an organic way. This is a love commitment to myself, it is a love that requires a lot of effort, and a human love that in its ups and downs has acknowledged its responsibility to give up the pain to welcome joy.
“I love you, Lady,” and I promise you I’ll keep loving you. I vow to take care of you, to give you the best, to get angry at you when you are settling for less just to avoid feeling lonely. I promise to remind you every day how amazing and worthy you are, because, dear Lady, you are beautiful. Through this promise of love, you have achieved the biggest love ever: Self-love, which makes every day of these last forty years totally worth it.
