As parents of children with special needs, it’s crucial to make the distinction between the things we can control and that which we simply cannot control. What I’ve found is that it’s imperative to know the difference and to be cognizant of how perceived control (or lack of control) might be impacting us. Based on my experience, no matter how committed you may be to staying positive in the face of challenges, there are always tough questions that will make you doubt the effectiveness of your efforts in your role as an advocate, educator, and parent of your child with a disability.
There are times I feel that everything has failed and things haven’t gone the way I expected them to go. I have learned that there are things I cannot control and those I cannot allow to control me. And there are things that I can control which can help me deal with the anxiety of feeling lost or concerned.
For example:
As the parent of a child with speech or language challenges or delays, you cannot control when your child is going to talk or if your child is going to ever be able to make his or her language clear; however, you can control your ability to help your child find his or her own voice through alternative ways of communication in the meantime. Think about it. You can keep pushing, spending more and more money, and adding extra therapy sessions to the schedule, but is it worth? Finding the balance between the work and play of it all will not only keep you in control of your emotions but will also help your child feel happy as he or she enjoys typical experiences that might be as helpful for language development in a much more empowering way.
The same thing happens with any other kind of intellectual or physical ability. You cannot change your child, and you are not supposed to because your child is perfect already. Instead, you can help your child grow to the maximum of his or her abilities. And feeling like a positive part of the progress, the smiles and the pride is something you can choose to help you feel you’re in control as you enjoy a healthy feeling of satisfaction, balance, and acceptance of yourself and your child.
Somehow life seems to go too fast, but at the same time, it goes slow enough to give you opportunities to reflect, connect to your deeper self, and look for a larger purpose when things are out of your control. Sometimes the only way to be in control is to give up the desire to control things. I suppose from all the things I have gained while raising Emir and Yaya, this is probably one of the most meaningful and significant lessons I’ve learned and keep learning as we grow.
