Learning to see the ability of those who live with a disability is the first step towards inclusion, normalization, and creating future opportunities for our children. I think we all know this and have good intentions. But sadly, when it is time to put this practice into action, there is still a lot of confusion.
- Many times, while trying to protect our children we deprive them of their right to make their own choices. Because we believe they don’t have the ability or insight, we can make decisions for them “better” and “faster”.
- As spectators, we have this absurd and disrespectful tendency to diminish the ability of people with disabilities when we assume that someone else should decide the fate of their lives and their bodies.
- We complain because they don’t have a voice, but without realizing it, we sometimes deprive them of the opportunity to express themselves. When we don’t find the means to give them an alternative way to communicate, the time to listen to them and the patience to understand them, we’re unintentionally segregating them from their own conversations.
- As professionals, we often present their parents with unsolicited advice based on our prejudices, disrespecting the child’s individuality. In our minds, we are doing them a favor, but in reality, we are exposing our own lack of knowledge regarding the person, because what we presume to know is about the diagnosis or the disability, not the individual at all.
There are many examples of this that take place day-to-day from which we can learn and reflect on our attitudes regarding people with disabilities. Let me share one of my own. My 14-year-old with Down syndrome, Emir, has grown up sharing his life and experiences on social media. This is a part of who he is. As it happens with any other teenager, some days Emir wants his hair to grow long and be a rebel. Some days, in contrast, he wakes up desperate for a haircut. He has a mustache, and now he wants a beard. My most significant pride is to witness his autonomy, and I support each one of his decisions, largely because it didn’t happen naturally for him. It’s been a lot of work and faith put in him to see him blooming and showing initiative finally. However, many times what I receive back from well-meaning readers is a series of nonsense questions such as, “Why do you cut his hair like this?”, or “Why don’t you shave his mustache?”. My question to them is, “Why do you assume that my child is not able to make his own choices, and why should I be the one that makes them for him?”. Like they would of neurotypical teenagers, I’m supporting him to explore his own sense of style.
Furthermore, ladies and gentlemen, for inclusion to work, it is essential to understand that we all need to become allies of the mental evolution that supports seeing the ability in people living with disabilities. Let’s re-learn how to interact with them to understand the importance of involving them in every aspect of their own lives. Ask them for their opinions, give them opportunities to strengthen their independence, have faith and high expectations in them, as children and also as members of the community. Because when a youth like my child turns 14 years old, he doesn’t want to be treated like a baby or a “little angel” anymore. He wants to be treated with respect and needs to live with intention, with responsibilities and to be addressed as an individual, not as a disability.
