I dropped Emir of to attend the Early Start Program this morning. This is his first day of school. Middle School! As it happens with every big transition, the discussions over his inclusion and supports for this new adventure were exhausting and stressful. At one point I couldn’t even see Emir walking alone through the terrifying Middle School hallways! I wasn’t sure he would have the ability to do it on his own, and I was really pushing for a full-time aide for him. He’s never had one before but Middle School is scary for anyone, much more if that someone has Down syndrome, right?
Over the summer though, something magical happened. I believe in that kind of magic that hits you to help you grow along with your children and overcome your fears. That was the magic that took over me in the most incredible ways this summer. Out of nowhere, I got a gig to complete a consultant job in my mother country. I dropped the kids off in my hometown with family and flew to a different city for work. When I came back to pick them up, Emir wasn’t ready to come with me, and so he decided to stay with family. I have to be honest, I was trying hard to not to be overprotective, and it was hard! I admit that sometimes I want to keep this guy under my wing forever. It wasn’t easy but I let him make his choice and grow through the experience.
It was weird to not see my boy for a couple of days, but it was good for him and for me. I was able to understand and realize that he is a young man now and besides the melancholy (his) and need to protect him (mine), I have to pat myself on the back and feel proud of the job I have done raising him to be strong and independent. He is a truly independent and self-sufficient young man at the age of 14. He has a great personality and he has found in his humor a new tool to fit-in and have others connect with him setting aside the natural challenges which come along with communication when someone is not used to his speech. I find this simply genius and I have to give him credit for that. He is creating his own accommodations and he is doing so successfully.
Over the summer, I also started the scary exercise of letting him go to the men’s restroom on his own. Gosh, this was not easy. There I was standing outside the men’s bathroom door watching men go in and out totally confused by my behavior. One guy was curious enough to dare ask me what I was doing there? “Waiting for my son,” I said. At the same time, Emir was walking out. He gave him a high five and told him, “My mom used to do the same for me. I loved it.” Emir smiled back and kept going. Those silly but small things are just so meaningful to me. Again, I am the kind of person who is always looking for the magic in the world, and to me, kindness is the most magical power of all.
And like that, many small but meaningful things happened over the summer to make me realize that my son needs to open his wings and fly. That yes, he needs supports and we can’t deny that, but those supports can come in a much more natural, less intrusive way which will empower him instead of making him dependent. I know the world is not always amazing and people are not always nice. This is the real world and the path to inclusion is not easy and never will be, but he needs to learn to be a part of it with his own tools and abilities. And what better place is there to enable these abilities than inside a protected academic setting in which he will find his path with the help of those around him?!
I sat with Emir and asked him, do you want to try this? Can you do this? He said, yes. And I believe in him, and I am choosing to trust others as well. We met with his team a week ago and everyone was excited. We are blessed beyond words for his team at school. Plus, the most amazing person in the world, my friend Donna, is spending the day with him today to connect the dots and be sure he is fine.
I know this is just the first day of school, but at the same time, this is the beginning of a great new adventure for Emir. I am fully aware this is not going to be easy but I know it is worth it. The best part of it all is that I know he is ready and he needs these experiences to continue growing up as strong, as confident, and as independent as he is. Cheers to the magic that makes us strong enough to believe in those signs that light up the path and show us ways to overcome our fears and keep believing in the beautiful uncertainty ahead of us all.
