When my son was born I remember people around repeating the word “special” repeatedly. I believed I was, that we were, for a long time. I suppose that, in my vulnerability, I wanted to feel special. I didn’t know yet how words can hurt when they are presented in such a “special” way. Something else I’ve learned along the path is that no one can truly learn from other’s experiences. We need to live them personally and allow them to shape us and teach us who we are and where we go as a family. That said, I want to share this story that made me reflect and realize one more time that I am the mother of a very typical and unique individual.
Let’s start by describing my current situation. I am divorced, I am the mother of two, I work full time and own a small business, and I am also a full-time student. By the way, I am graduating with a Master’s in Social Science next month and I am just way too excited about it. Anyway, I am always dreaming of a weekend off but when it finally happens, I find ways to keep myself busy by reorganizing, doing deep cleaning, you name it! And that is who I am: a person who loves to stay mentally active and truly enjoys connecting with her children through meaningful activities. So our project last weekend was to go through our closets, organize them, and celebrate with a sugar-free ice cream party.
With Emir and Yaya, we went through all of our closets. Yaya was done with the whole ordeal when we finished hers, so she excused herself and went to watch movies. Emir kept engaged and helped me with mine. I brag so much about this son of mine. He is so responsible, so hard-working, and so funny. He has been sharing his own closet with me because my closet is too small and my clothes don’t fit in it anymore. I mean, how can you not love the guy with all your heart?
Once we had finished organizing, I told him, “Well, looks like I’ll need to hire someone to expand this closet because it is just too small for me.” It didn’t take long for him to reply, “or you could stop buying clothes.” And he left the room.
I was completely speechless, so I took a couple of minutes to process and went after him with the sole intention of hearing more about his thoughts. “Emir, that was very insensitive,” I told him. He raised his eyebrows at me and left the room again. This time I stayed and took the time to reflect about it.
“How typical it probably is for a 14-year-old guy to say something like that. How amazing to witness him act like what he is, a very typical teenager, and a very unique individual.”
I shared the story with a friend who told me I was using the wrong words. “That wasn’t insensitive, it was very intuitive,” he said. And I agree, it was very intuitive, and it was amazing. So, to not to bore you with my lecture, I just want to leave you with this. Yes, your child is always going to be the most special person in your life, just because he or she is your child. Your child is going to be very typical, and sometimes very atypical. Your child is going to be unique, and your child is going to be for sure, the reflection of his or her natural experiences and opportunities. No matter your child’s abilities, you are the parent of a typical and unique individual.
