Often times in our community, “that parent” is a term used to identify those who many consider to be too intense. “That parent” is perceived as someone with the ability to disrupt the status quo in the environment. That parent is usually seen as pushy, demanding, and even arrogant. Other times a lack of acceptance or objectivity is blamed.
In reality, we all need to be “that parent” on our journey as advocates. It’s normal that we will need training and experience to polish our abilities, and it’s natural that many times we are going to be thought of negatively. We might even be despised at times, not only by professionals but also by other parents who disagree with our behavior. Why? Because we dare to challenge the system. Why is that so upsetting for so many? I would say that the answer is that we as a culture have been conditioned to believe that parents of children with a disability are supposed to be extreme: they are “special” or nuts. If they are “special”, which is very convenient, they should be inspiring and gracious at all times. When that is not the case and the stigma doesn’t match the reality, people get confused and tend to identify them as a problem. Even though, the law states that full parental involvement is a parent’s right and responsibility.
Therefore, “that parent” soon comes to realize and fully understand that the fight is not only going to be about obtaining services. There is so much more to be done. Parents who become effective advocates learn to impact the system through education and honest involvement. They learn their rights and responsibilities and they understand that the path is not going to be easy. They know that, without their involvement, their children will never be able to reach the maximum of their abilities.
Now, let’s not become confused. “That parent” learns how to balance and regulate emotions so as not to be impulsive or aggressive since this doesn’t empower communication. “That parent” keeps growing and advancing with a foundation of the pursuit of knowledge, analysis, and education. Eventually, “that parent” gains the ability to come to the table with objective observations and productive ideas. “That parent” asks for help and enables his or her right to be an equal member of the team. In other words, this is the parent who understands how to talk about ability because he or she has seen it in themselves. These parents make it happen for themselves as they build their own ability to speak on behalf of their children.
This parent’s goal is to educate and to build a team. This parent doesn’t want to provoke fear but instead to build respect. This parent talks respectfully from a place of objectivity, planning, and preparation. This parent is his or her child’s best advocate, and that is something that no one can refute.
So, instead of being scared to be “that parent”, or even worse, sitting in judgement of “that parent” who isn’t afraid to talk and to change things, let’s reflect on how to become that parent! The journey will probably lead to being rejected many times, but eventually, you’ll grow along with your child to educate the world around you both.
The truth is, we are all that parent in different stages. Ultimately, we should focus on building up our skills as and building up one another as “that parent” because in the end, despite the challenges and insecurities, being “that parent” works. It takes time, repetition, practice, failed attempts to succeed, and like everything else, it doesn’t work the first time most of the time. But, in times when we feel deep in the dark, angry and frustrated with the world, “that parent” rises up again, regaining control and bringing us
